About the DV Memorial

INTRODUCTION

This blog is dedicated to the women (and children) who have lost their lives to domestic violence at the hands of their partners or former partners. It also includes the victims murdered by their male family members in so-called ‘honour killings’. This blog main concentrates on UK domestic violence related homicides.

On average, each year in the UK, around 100 women (or two/three per week) are murdered by their partners or ex-partners, yet only a few are ever mentioned in the news. We wish to remember them here. They are all someone’s daughter, mother, sister or friend.

Some of these women have suffered years of abuse, others have been murdered just by trying to leave a relationship. If you, or someone you know is suffering domestic violence, please seek advice now from your local Refuge or Women’s Aid. The national helpline run by Refuge and Women’s Aid is: 0808 2000 247 (free).

These pages have been compiled from the scant number of domestic homicides reported in the news. If you would like your loved one remembered on these pages, then please leave a comment in the box below, and we will email you back. (This comment will NOT be published, nor will your email address – we will protect your privacy.)

AIM OF THIS SITE

The aim of this website is to raise awareness of domestic violence, and its serious consequences, as too often, people assume it’s only an argument that gets out of control, or that it is a stereotype of the guy that comes home from the pub and gives his wife a black eye. Domestic violence is far more than that. It is more often a campaign of terror, either during the relationship or after the break up. It is primarily men as perpetrators and women as victims. That it why this site concentrates on the women and children victims of domestic violence. Yes there are male victims of domestic homocide, but these are usually for reasons other than a ‘straight case’ of domestic violence.

The second main aim of the site is to speak to women going through domestic violence – to get out now, and to ensure your safety as much as possible. Planning your escape is essential (get advice from you local Refuge/Women’s Aid), and also get as much ‘hard’ evidence as possible, tape phone calls, record times & dates of text messages, keep threatening letters, take photographs of damage to property etc. It may not work through the legal system, but it’s worth a shot. The other thing to bear in mind is that an Injunction (restraining order) is only a piece of paper, and will not stop bullets, knives, fists or hands. Indeed, many of the stories you will read, the perpetrator was on bail, or subject to an Injunction. The mentality of these perpetrators is that they are above the law, and will do whatever, whenever, to whom they like. Don’t take our word for it, read “Why does he do that? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men” by Lundy Bancroft. This book will open your eyes to how they think (see the Reading List page).

COMMENTARY FROM THE EDITOR

Apart from the lack of respect that perpetrators have for the law, it seems that the law does not prioritise victims as it should. In many cases, failings by the law or police, contributed to the deaths of these women. Unless there has been significant and photographable evidence, most perpetrators of domestic violence do not receive custodial sentences (the conviction rate from arrests is less than 6%). Most times they are let off, or receive a slap on the wrist in the form of a Bind-over (bind-over to keep the peace). This does nothing to deter the offender, in fact, it just contributes to his grandiose sense of being above the law.

Nor it is merely the dynamics of a particular relationship, these perpetrators usually go on to abuse many, many women. A word of advice here, if an ex-girlfriend or ex-wife tells you horror stories of your new beau, then believe her, not him. They are all Mr. Wonderful at the beginning of a relationship. That is how you get sucked in. No, you are not stupid. Yes, there are signs to look for – but you can’t be expected to know them unless you are told (a sister-website is planned to discuss this in more depth).

Only you in your particular situation know how much danger you are in. Although, sometimes that danger is underestimated. But most women do know by intuition the danger level. Listen to your inner voice. You are the best judge of your situation.

From the stories on this website you may become very disillusioned of the police. I can only stress that if you are in immediate danger of serious injury or death that you should call them (but to also continue to have a strategy to exit the scene if necessary). Otherwise if you are not in immediate danger, plan, plan, plan. If you decide on a strategy such as running away or changing phone numbers, then make sure the few people that you tell DO NOT pass any information onto the abuser (this is the downfall of many).

SISTER BLOGS IN OTHER COUNTRIES

If you have a similar blog or site, then please use the Comments form below to contact us. We are most happy to link to you – although we will view and assess your site before linking to it.

TROLL POLICY

Trolls and abusive comments will NEVER be tolerated.

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3 Responses to “About the DV Memorial”

  1. jonseygirl Says:

    I am a victim of four years of direct domestic abuse ranging from torture, rape, strangualtion, claw hammer attacks etc etc and after leaving and being stalked for four years I have finally reported all my abuse to the police resulting in my ex being charged with 9 serious offences between 2001-2005. I go to trial in May 2009. I have lots of medical evidence even him disclosing to his psychiatrist that he did indeed try to kill me with a claw hammer ! I am suffering terrible PTSD and guilt as regards my daughter who is now 20yrs old and has terrible anxiety living knowing I was subject to such violence. My ex husband is a true monster and it has been a long journey of fear, depression etc to get to where I am now. Jayne

  2. monarchjourney Says:

    I am the founder of the International Domestic Violence Memorial Project. We are creating a monument for victims of domestic abuse and are seeking names, stories, and family members who wish to share their experiences with domestic violence.

    As part of the project we are creating a Giant Lantern of Hope which will encompass 4 mural-mosaics by over 240 different artists across the globe. If you or someone you know is an artist and would like to participate in the project, please feel free to contact me directly at dvsupport [at] live.com. When the project is complete it will go on tour nationally to raise awareness about domestic abuse and so that various family members can have opportunity to see the artwork that was dedicated to each victim.

    To the founders of this site, please keep up the good work. I was not able to find your direct contact information, so I posted here. I hope this is ok. Please let me know if you would like to participate in our design Charrette. We are looking for innovative ideas for the creation of the lantern itself.

    Nasrin “Ruby” Zoghbia
    http://www.dvmemorial.com

    “Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life’s about creating yourself.”
    – George Bernard Shaw

  3. politicallyincorrectrant Says:

    Is it possible to request you remove my old comment on this page regarding the Domestic Violence Memorial? It is no longer an active project.


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